Another entertaining selection of poems by best-selling author Gervase Phinn, everyone’s favourite School Inspector.

The Day Our Teacher Went Batty

‘We’ve been baking in class today,
Would you like my last jam tart?
It’s funny how clean my hands are now.
They were dirty at the start!’

Another entertaining selection of poems by best-selling author Gervase Phinn, everyone’s favourite School Inspector. In this book you will meet cheeky children, tetchy teachers and proud parents, in poems that are sometimes funny, sometimes sad and often thought-provoking.

Family Phantoms

I come from a long line of vampires,
My bloodline stretches way back
To the castle in old Transylvania
To the time of good old Count Drac ...

If you fancy a pint with a vampire or a moonlit walk with a werewolf, look no further. From aliens to zombies, yetis to the amazing amphisbaena, famous monsters to mythical beasts - every kind of creature lives in Gervase Phinn's magical menagerie. Be very, very afraid.

It Takes One to Know One

A collection of poems based around the familiar themes of school and family, ranging from such topics as embarrassing and annoying parents, choosing a pet and running away from home, to reading around the class, facing the school inspector, and surviving a school trip. Some are funny, some are poignant, all are thought-provoking.

Gervase Phinn talks exclusively about the inspiration behind his poetry and the philosophical thoughts of 6 years-olds here
‘Phinn will delight you with his tales of the class chatterbox, nagging teachers and other endearing characters.’
Scholastic Primary Update: Management and services

‘… his work is accessible and at times touching. In a largely poetry-free world, it is very welcome indeed’.
The Guardian

‘For a little light relief, try listening to this amusing, sometimes touching, collection of poems about familiar situations in school and family life’.
Child Education

Parents’ Evening

So you are Matthew’s mother
Then you must be his dad?
I’m so very pleased to meet you,
I am extremely glad.
He’s such a gifted pupil,
And such a little dear,
There’s been a vast improvement
In all his work this year.
His writing is exceptional,
So beautifully neat,
His spelling quite incredible,
His poetry a treat.
His number work is flawless
And his painting so inspired.
He’s interested and lively,
And he’s never ever tired.
He’s amazingly athletic,
And excels in every sport.
Your Matty is the brightest child
That I have ever taught.
I should say he’s gifted – he comes top in every test.
In fact in every single subject
Your Mathew is the best!
I must say Mr and Mrs Flynn,
You’re fortunate to have a child like him.

Poetry Lesson

’I like your poem, Mandy … but
There are parts which don’t sound right.
You say that stars like diamond chips
Illuminate the night,
And that the cold and distant moon
Gives off an eerie light…
I think that there are better words to use.

I Like your poem, Mandy … but
Be careful with the rhymes.
You say that from the lonely church
Came strange and distant chimes,
Reminding you of far-off days
And of much happier times…
I think that there are better words to use.

I like your poem, Mandy … but
The images aren’t too good.
Instead of spooky forest glade
Insert the ghostly wood
And avoid those dreadful gory bits
Especially the blood.
I think that there are better words to use.

’And tell me,’ said the teacher,
‘Have you anything to say?’
And Mandy said, ‘I’d like to ask,

Whose poem is it … anyway?’

Don't Tell the Teacher

illustrated by Chris Mould

Miss Perkins has a vulture.
It perches on her chair,
And watches all the children,
As they quietly sit there.

The word in the playground is there's a whole Assembly Hall full of notorious characters in this A* collection of poems from bestselling author, Gervase Phinn. From new kids to disobedient deputy heads and embarrassing mums to the dreaded school inspector - expect them all through the school gates ... ... just don't tell the teacher!

'Accessible and touching' Guardian'

'A real star' Esther Rantzen

The wonderfully warm and witty book of poems from GERVASE PHINN.

Family, teachers, pupils and the dreaded school inspector, all brilliantly observed.

Bestselling author of 'The Other Side of the Dale'